Being in the Twenties

Part I- Of being in the Twenties

The Twenties is a special decade. I just realised that today, I am literally JUST ONE DAY closer to my thirties than to when I started this second decade on the lovely planet called Earth. #Oops, it hurts a bit ngl, but oh well…"You're still pretty young", they say. So what does it exactly feel like to be in the twenties, in a decade of the ‘20s? Today I will be sharing an insiders' first hand views of how life feels like in what they say is your "defining decade"- a mysterious decade full of ups, downs, experimentations, first-times, unknowns, big decisions and most importantly AND ultimately, the discovery and creation of yourself. If you’ve ever wondered why my blog has the theme name “Being in the twenties in the ‘20s”: on a random day when the pandemic first hit in 2020, I started this little thing you’ve put your eyes on - I thought that I happen to be in my twenties when the book of decades just flipped into a new chapter of 2020, and as I thought this is quite a cute punny concept, why not give this a try and see if it’ll catch readers’ attention?

Hitting quarter life crisis in the aftermath of a post-pandemic world that is still trying to recover and adapt back to its pre-existing form was a unique experience. Back then, I used to look forward to birthdays celebrations a lot- even when I turned 21, 22 or 23 I looked forward to birthdays a lot and held really fun parties. I have always thought that I was still pretty fresh and young, until hitting the quarter century milestone last year— I start to wonder how life would speed past in the coming years & as I reflect on my achievements in the past, I also dream bigger and brainstorm what bigger goals in life I hope for. Just as precious time passes on the ticking clock, nothing is ever constant- people and things change— by then even my blog would need a new domain name since I wont be in my twenties anymore, and it will no longer be the 20’20s anymore; the many lessons from the school of life have taught me that we have to constantly strive to thrive. Oh, unless you’re the great tennis champ, as Novak’s once amused the crowd after a match by saying:“What 35? 35 is the new 25!”

"35 is the new 25" - click for video of Novak Djokovic amusing crowd.

In my opinion, I have perhaps experienced a lot more compared to an average 20 something as an international student, studying some 3000 miles away from home. The people I meet, places I visit, things I do and way I am brought up have intertwined towards the shaping of my character- well, I guess every one is unique one way or another and has their own story to tell…I once read on Instagram that 18-25 is a weird age: we got friends who don’t drive, some are virgins, some are dating, some getting married, some having kids and some who still have to ask their parents to stay out after 8pm. That’s so true, but what happens after 25 then? I guess it’s still too early for me to put an accurate conclusion to that at this moment, but who knows how I’m gonna answer myself 20-30 years down the line when I am re-reading this post? A great book I’ve read recently summarised the 20’s decade really accurately and thought I’d share this here: “the Twenties is a period of REAL TIME. IT DOES MATTER. 30’s is the new 20’s make the 20’s seem as if it is minimalized, but it shouldn’t be interpreted that way. Some say that twenty-something years are an extended period of adolescence while others call them a period of emerging adulthood. This so-called changing timetable for adulthood has demoted twenty-somethings to ‘not-quite-adults’, aka the ‘kidults’, ‘pre-adults’, ‘adultescents’, just when they need to engage the most”. This is an important period for the construction of careers, family and when higher level executive functioning is being developed to full independence. When I questioned myself whether I am still considered a “young”-ish adult, of course I directed myself to a Google search straight away, and what I found on the top of the search was an article by the National Academy of Sciences defining young adulthood as spanning the ages of 18-26. Phew, one more year to go for me. According to the article, it is a “transitional period during the life course when young people are traditionally expected to become financially independent, establish romantic relationships and become parents, and to assume responsible roles as productive and engaged members of the community.”

What #Wow-ingly catches me is how society generally undermines the challenges and struggles underlying the big drastic transitions in terms of identity, career and relationships of this decade, as they expect and assume 20 somethings to be living the young, capable, gorgeous form of life they idolize on the “gram”. Beyond the glam of graduation gowns implies the drastic changes in one’s identity and subsequent responsibilities— such as turning from students to working professionals, from being “the medical student” to becoming “your doctor”, from a young niece to becoming a young auntie, from being fetched from school to driving mom home from work.. these are all changes that can occur simultaneously within the space of a mere few months that most likely occur in the mid 20s for the majority. But how often do people actually see what happens backstage? Stories of fresh grads from top unis in tens of thousands of debt, but pockets with empty wallets? Years of dedication, hard work, sweat, tears, notes and revision aids recycled from chopped trunks minimalized to the form of a decimally-ranked number? I once read an article on the perceptions of medical students’ transition to becoming doctors on the British Student Doctor Journal. It says that “despite medical education reforms, graduates continue to find the transitional (consolidation) period challenging. Having adequate knowledge and skills is insufficient; students need to be confident and empowered individuals— aspects that relate to a person’s principles and qualities, their identity. The identification with the profession may help students to practice as self-assured doctors.” All participants in their study identified as being a medical student as opposed to a doctor in training; they highlighted viewing their identity as an evolving process that would continue to develop after they graduate. Experience was found to be a pivotal factor for the development of students’ professional identities and feelings of preparedness for work; some students accepted that they may never feel fully prepared and placed importance on learning on the job, where they could learn from senior colleagues and their own successes & mistakes.

“I have seen countless twenty-somethings spend too many years living without perspective. What is worse are the tears shed by thirty-somethings and forty-somethings because they are now paying a steep price— professionally, romantically, economically, reproductively- for a lack of vision in their twenties.” Says Meg, the clinical psychologist who specialises in the 20 something years. This sounds sickening… when I told my friend about this book, his first impression of the title was that it must be about 30 and 40 year olds crying over their wasted 20s. I used to set targets for myself in terms of my university work, trying to be on top of things whilst maintaining a good social life- trying to live life to the fullest whilst not omitting the all important “work-life balance”. As I lived each day as it went by, I look back and make several important reflections, accumulated from experiences over the years and reinforced by the Forbes articles I read recently- and here are my 10 personal reflections to share:

1) Take things one step at a time— Rome was not built in one day. Careers, relationships and all take time and require patience- don't lose heart, keep at it and you’ll get there.

2) Clicking the pause button— taking a step back to look at the bigger picture and to re-establish things at necessary times is worth more than getting lost in an ocean of piled up “to-do” lists and a maze of uncertainty.

3) Embrace the presence— “Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why we call it 'The Present'"- Eleanor Roosevelt. Time is your most precious resource, it's the only thing, along with your words, you can never retrieve. Create time and space for your loved ones; to take care of yourself and to spend quality time with your friends and family is money well spent if you can spare.

4) Work from the backwards— I have been told in a writing masterclass by a famous author: don’t start your draft from the beginning onwards but work from the ending backwards as you’ve got to know your result and realize the steps required to reach there as part of your planning, taking into account potential setbacks and what you’re gonna do with them. This works for any particular goal you have in mind- to get there, instead of going the traditional chronological style, try to focus with the destination in mind and brainstorm your path or different potential routes towards it, whilst expecting to see views and encounter people along the way. What would be the most devastating would be to look back in time and regretting retrospectively.

5) You’ve got to make sacrifices for your goals— success is about doing the things you absolutely don't want to do on a regular basis; the main difference between successful people and regular people is that they absolutely refused to give up- you’ve got to prioritise certain things over others and learn to say “no” without hesitancy.

6) Blessings in disguise— someday you will be happy that this or that job or person did not work out, because then something or someone better came along. Things happen, plans work or don't work out for a reason; and plans will potentially change due to things that occur and different priorities set during different stages of life.

7) You and your friends will change; don't spend time with people who don't bring the better of you— sometimes you and your old friends are going in the same direction, and sometimes you’re not- that’s just fine. Most relationships are not built to last a lifetime, they’re meant to help form who you are during certain stages of your life. Show up for your friends and family who do matter, as parents will fall ill, friends will get married, other friends will get divorced, children will be born- a lot of earth shattering life changes will happen within the next decade or two. Be someone whom your loved ones can count on, show up and make time for them.

8) Don't be surprised by the power of "weak ties"— Whilst you may grow apart from those you thought would play a big role in your future, watch out for "weak ties" coming out of nowhere, as they may give you more access to information and opportunity which you'd totally not expect - "they are like bridges you cannot see all the way across, so there is no telling where they might lead. As we look for jobs or relationships or opportunities of any kind, it is the people we know the least well who will be the most transformative; new things almost always come from outside your inner circle. Weak ties are the people who will better your life right now- and again and agin in the years to come - if you have the courage to know what you want."

9) You're going to feel lost—you might think you’re at the bottom of the pile occasionally and start to self-doubt- but apparently, every one is on the same boat! Everyone is trying to do their best on their own ends and may seem to be doing well but still, doubtlessly, every one occasionally feels puzzled and tried in this dear life.

Last but not least,

10) Know You're Enough— Love yourself, take good care of yourself, be proud of who you are, and do not mind if people don't like this version of yourself—embrace individuality and the intrinsic YOU. Expect to feel excited and ready to hit the ground running after graduation, only to be halted by a variety of road blocks: the economy, earning entry-level income whilst having to juggle mortgages, rents and bills through the roof, being stuck in a low-level position. It will take years and years to accomplish your dream, and to be where you want to be in your career. You will wonder if it is worth it, you will wonder if you will ever get there, and just know everyone feels this way, especially in their 20s. You're not alone, and it's completely normal :)

Check out this humorous video on Instagram..

Being in your twenties is like:

I’m so young

But I’m so old

I should do everything

I should rest

I can do what I want

But I have to be careful

I'm an adult

But I need help from an adult

I'm so smart

I'm so stupid

I'm leaving and I feel left behind

I want to be a kid again

And I cant wait to be old

I've done a lot

Yet I've done nothing

I want to be alone

But I'm so lonely

Like what the hell?!

#to be continued…

if you’ve enjoyed this part of “Being in the Twenties”, heads up please look out for part II: “In the 20’s” of this series, with a focus on medical concepts.

These are the articles & book I have made reference from where my opinions arise:

Forbes:

The British Student Doctor Journal:

https://thebsdj.cardiffuniversitypress.org/articles/10.18573/bsdj.205

National Library of Medicine:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK284791/

"The Defining Decade" by Meg Jay: